I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
