This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
