i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
