You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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