Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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