I feel great
I just peed on a car
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
