We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
