Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
