Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We are two peas in an std pod
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
