When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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