On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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