Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I need moral support for this bender
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
