also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
