the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
