3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
