My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
