I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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