Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
