My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Soap is not a condiment
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
