I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
