What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
