i already hear my dad disowning me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
