how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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