I am spending my child support on dildos
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
