he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
A bitchslap is in order.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
