i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
