Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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