you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
