You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
