I just threw up on my dentist
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
