You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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