More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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