My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
