if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
