This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
