your room smells of hookers.
And success
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
