Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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