smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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