I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
