she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
