I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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