I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
