ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
