All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Boobs are out for the taking
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
