Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
