the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
