I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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