Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
