i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
plz talk dirty to me
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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