took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
