I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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