If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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